I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
