But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
