are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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