nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
