took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
