I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
