I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
