I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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