Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
