Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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