Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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