it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
