They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
