nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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