I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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