and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
