Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
