The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
