Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
