so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
