Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
