idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
