So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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