I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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