Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
