i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
