The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
