i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
