I CAN MOONWALK!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
