I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
