is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When are your genitals available?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
