Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
