She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
