the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
