Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
