oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
