i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
