I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
