so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
