i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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