I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
