Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
