too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
