...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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