I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
