the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
