Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
