You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
