y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
