the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
