weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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