he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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