No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
