I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
