OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
